Is there a crossroads moment in everyone's life- A fork in the proverbial road? A Mercury reader shared this question with me last week, and the profound significance of his words resonated deeply within me. For a long time I stood frozen at life's metaphorical crossroads, paralyzed by ambivalence as I struggled to hear my intuitive voice above the clatter of fear and trepidation.
It seems to grow increasingly difficult with age, to release the binding grips of fear. Life has a way of interfering with the idealistic dreams and zealous plans of youth. The years pass by so rapidly; perhaps it is only in the twilight of our lives that we are able to reflect back on the vestiges of the paths we have chosen and fully grasp the magnitude of our own power in shaping our destiny.
Slumber
I am haunted by reflections of a young woman with a wandering spirit and a restless soul, who lustfully craved adventure and never looked back once a decision was made. Driven by the motto "do it now and figure it out later otherwise live with regret", foreign countries were explored without itineraries or travel companions and frequent relocations relieved chronic boredom. Traditional desk jobs were confining, daily routine was a breeding ground for restlessness, and a conventional lifestyle felt like entrapment. I thrived on novel experiences and new beginnings, continuously clearing the slate and reinventing myself.
I recall the taste of pure unadulterated freedom in my late twenties, traveling by bus across the Costa Rican coast in a blinding rainstorm late at night, glancing at the handsome young stranger seated beside me with ebony eyes and skin blacker than the sultry night that enveloped us. Fear mingled with intrigue and the thrill was intoxicating; my senses were heightened and I never felt so alive. Somewhere along the way, that fiery young spirit fell into a prolonged slumber. Ten years down the road, I recognized the painful stagnation that insidiously descended upon my soul after spending several years standing frozen at the crossroads, terrified to commit to a path and move forward with my life.
Returning to the question raised about crossroad moments, my answer is a solid "yes", at some point in life we all are faced with pivotal and potentially life altering decisions. While the most obvious crossroads moments are easily recognizable and often agonizing life choices such as whether to end a long term relationship, terminate an unwanted pregnancy, or accept a marriage proposal, more subtle crossroad moments are not realized until long after the moment has passed. A casual trip to the local market can result in a chance encounter with a future mate and memories of a solitary journey through Central America can wake a sleeping soul years down the road.
While it is certainly comforting to rest crucial life decisions in the mighty hands of fate, the path of least resistance is not always the wisest route to take. The concept of human determination versus destiny is a loaded one, wrought with religious, philosophical, scientific and highly personal undercurrents. My personal preference is to lend credence to both sides of the spectrum, resulting in a complex interplay between personal freedom, self empowerment and predetermined fate.
Consider again the proverbial fork in the road. We have three choices: go left, go right, or stand still and languish in a state if inertia. The decision we make now will potentially shape our destiny for years to come. Ambivalence is a poison that clouds the mind and murders the spirit. It is always best to chose a path, take a leap of faith and keep moving forward, rather than succumb to the illusory shelter of inactivity.
This concept is a timely one for me, as I have finally busted through my self imposed shackles by making a conscious choice to release fear and move ahead. I feel like Rip Van Winkle emerging from a 20 year slumber and returning to his village, only to discover everything has changed and his wife and close friends are long gone. The village I must reclaim is that of my own soul. Like Rip Van Winkle, I face the reality that the past is gone and there is no turning back. However the only moment that ever truly matters is now.
As a person who has always been guilty of running from pain and charging ahead with reckless abandon, I am now focused on the power of standing still. However in standing still I am actually moving forward, because I stand now with peace and clarity of purpose rather than frozen in the grips of fear. My chosen path is neither the one I had always anticipated nor the easiest route to take at this point in time. I do not have the foggiest idea where I will end up, but one thing remains certain- I will grow and evolve in positive directions along the way.
It is not the destination that matters rather the journey, and life is really just one long journey with many crossroads along the way. As a seasoned traveler with many adventures yet to come, I plan to travel light, celebrate the crossroads, and stop to breathe now and then. Finally, if my destiny happens to entail a fellow explorer at some point along the way, I will certainly welcome the company.
Standing at the Crossroads of Life - Commit to a Path, Travel Light, and Remember to Breathe
Risa Mason is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in Charleston, S.C. She specializes in coaching individuals towards inner peace and fulfillment by teaching them how to live, dream and thrive. You may contact her for individual or group coaching, or public speaking engagements at 843-769-0444.
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